A Natural Progression

Every so often I think about how the term "friend" has changed for me, but perhaps for a lot of people as well. One particular friend comes to mind whenever I think about this. We'll call him "A," namely because that's the first letter of his name...or I could even use his old email address--"tony20902@yahoo.com," I believe. For some reason I feel like I've talked about him to the point of exhaustion, but I'm not like the cool people who have a wealth of interesting stories to tell. Anyway, this friend and I, we went to elementary and middle school together during the heyday of the 90s. You know, Beanie Babies, POGS, Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, Harry Potter, but most importantly, for the purposes of this story, Pokémon.

He got me into those ridiculous little monsters and the video games. He got me into video games, period. He got me into the Legend of Zelda series. We traded Pokémon cards, we traded Pokémon on our Game Boy Pockets, he let me borrow Pokémon comics, all that good stuff. I guess when you're that age no one really talks about anything "important." I think I got over my fear of dogs when I went to his house (he had a big Labrador Retriever). His father and I had the same name. A and I would work so hard to shoo his little brother and sister away whenever we were playing. And we played a lot, especially after his mother fed us.

We were inseparable till 8th grade, and while many of us stayed in the area for high school, he was an exception and ended up moving to the boonies (also known as Hagerstown). I never saw him since. The only connection I have to him is through Facebook now, and as I write this, one of my other open windows is my Facebook profile (when is it not?) and under the "Friends" box one of the six friends displayed is him. Funny coincidence.

We never talked since then, a fact I attribute to my coming out. High schoolers are a vicious bunch. Even though I never explicitly told him about myself, I know he found out through various sources, as it was the case for me throughout high school. And naturally, given his background--I mean, looking back now his mom and dad were total rednecks--he never talked to me. He was just one of my "friends" who stopped communicating with me during this time. And I'm sure a lot of other people can relate...this is just one reason why friends are lost (but also gained, I suppose).

I write all this because when I think about it now it doesn't really matter. Facebook lets me keep in touch with these "friends" from the past, but in all honesty, for me "keep in touch" means just having them lie around in cyberspace, connected by this flimsy little thread of a social networking site. I look back now and realize that while they were important in my life then, now I'm just a completely different person. Speaking to them again would be like speaking to a stranger. For many of them, I've never even bothered. I always believed there was no use in opening a door that they didn't want opened, so to speak. If I saw them today I probably wouldn't recognize them, and they probably wouldn't recongize me, either. I like that feeling.

The real ones, they stick around. They make an effort. They know.

At What Point...

...can you say that someone at work has been out a little too much? It's gotten to the point that I don't even expect them to be in anymore when I come in. Since August 27th I've only been out of the office twice--once because I volunteered my time for a work event on a Saturday, and the other because it was the Columbus Day after the Board Meetings and National Dinner...and who doesn't get Columbus Day off anyway? Back to my point...maybe I'm just still not used to the non-profit world, but I think this is fairly ridiculous. I've been keeping track, of course. It's pretty fun, actually...especially because at this point the total is like a MONTH. But can anyone weigh in on this? How much absence is acceptable?

What's the Verdict?

Nothing, really. Why haven't I been writing regularly? Is it because I'm finally employed? Nope! On the contrary. I'm "volunteering." It's obviously not the best thing in the world, since it wouldn't even put bread on the table (or crumbs, for that matter), but it's something to do. It gets me up in the mornings, even if it's a lovely 50 degrees, cold, windy, and rainy in Washington. And it helps me maintain my penmanship, with all this note-taking that goes on.

What could be better? Oh sure, a stipend of some sort would be nice. But nothing beats writing on HRC stationery. Or using an HRC ballpoint pen. Really though, I'm learning a lot of things while volunteering here. Lots of interesting things that I never would've picked up on from the outside. I kind of wish I had applied for a different department, though. Something more behind-the-scenes and technical, like the web/design or executive stuff...and not the advocacy work HRC's known for (or are they even known for that?). Because honestly...most of the stuff that goes on looks like they're throwing (far-fetched) ideas into the air and nothing comes out of them. Granted, results don't happen overnight, but maybe if the goals were more realistic...

Anyway, so I'm still unemployed. Still playing in the band. Still riding Metro and still looking for a real job. Although that last point hasn't really been "in action" as of late. I actually have stuff to do. It sucks. Sometimes I wonder if the past 4 years were a mistake. At least knowing that there's a term for this out there ("quarter-life crisis") makes me feel a little better. It's always fun to label things and diagnose yourself, right?

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Life As an Intern

Even if it's unpaid, I'm still enjoying it for the most part. At the very least, it gets me up at a decent hour (7:30) and out of the house and walking about. Plus it's a good stepping stone for me at this point in my life...the post-graduation-not-quite-real-adult phase.

So I'm with the Human Rights Campaign until December. I have an Intern badge, meaning I just have a yellow rectangle where a photo would be. So basically I'm a nobody (kidding). I'm working in the Diversity Department with some cool people, but right now, at this precise moment, things are kind of...uneventful. It's times like these where I start thinking about what I actually want to do. I know I still really want to work for the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT, but with this internship I don't have the free time like I used to to browse USAJobs.gov or even update my resume (forget the fact that I should have done that over the weekend).

Sometimes I wish I had majored in something more tangible, like my sister. She's starting at Maryland today(!) as a wee freshman. She's a Criminology & Criminal Justice major, which certainly seems more lucrative than what I have. I don't know. Maybe I should have just continued with more school? But I don't think that was for me. I just wish I had a job that actually paid and had a "competitive benefits package" (hiring jargon?). I know this internship will be a great experience, but sometimes I can't help but wonder what else I could be doing. If I'm deserving of more. If, if, if. Blah, blah, blah.

Thus, for all intents and purposes, the name of this blog still applies.